Disrupting and Interrupting: Rarely OK

Out in the World, and in our Kitchens too

Living side by side with someone, you can’t help but become aware of that person’s basic needs… as well as your own. And, this might sound a tad stodgy, you also get daily reminders of the importance of basic manners.

Hey, wait a minute…it’s not Valentine’s Day yet, is it?

No, I’m likely to dive into Intimacy (appropriately, I promise) in a couple of weeks. Today, though, I’m just interested in exploring behavioral “norms” — unwritten, or sometimes written, rules about how we should treat one another so that everyone has a chance to thrive.

And this will be only partly in relation to the recent protests against how the federal government is forcibly taking people into custody, seemingly just because they originally came from elsewhere.

Since my husband’s words, first delivered on a rainy night here in Concord, went viral a couple of weeks ago, a whole lot of clergy folk from a range of denominations have voiced their disapproval of ICE tactics and stood up for the rights of immigrants. This was bound to happen, and it’s fair to say that most people — religious or not —were probably wondering, “Shouldn’t faith leaders be the first to speak out clearly about issues of morality, about how we treat our neighbors?”

As we heard a growing chorus of voices, it was beginning to look as if representatives of different religions were now finding it unavoidable to venture into political terrain —a place they perhaps used to be wary of going. We like Church and State to stay separate, in normal times, but what we’re experiencing now is something else again.

Protesting is Fine and In Fact Necessary, but Not During Worship

Back on January 18th in St. Paul, though, there was an unusual episode of protesters actually entering a church — the Southern Baptist Cities Church - during a church service with a full intention to disrupt that service. This seemed, in some ways, like a kind of flip: wasn’t it reasonable to expect that most anyone participating in a Christian service, sitting there in the pews, would have already recognized and be troubled by the moral problems inherent in the tactics being used by ICE?

Apparently, though, this particular church was targeted because one of the pastors, David Easterwood (not the one presiding on that particular day, I think) also worked at the local ICE office.

What resulted from the disruption, unfortunately, was antagonism and chaos. People who had been sitting quietly, in a place most of them must have known well, a place they came to each Sunday for support and comfort, had to get up and listen to people shouting “ICE out!” and also,“This is what community looks like.”

In case you want to get a sense of how the barging in actually looked and must have felt to people in the church, here is 23 minutes of filmed footage shared by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Youtube

It’s painful to watch; I could only stand a few minutes. I think most of us would agree that while protests against injustice are important, in most public spaces, they don’t belong right in the middle of a church service. If my dad — a true gentleman — were still around, and he wasn’t even a churchgoer, he would shake his head and disapprove…because of the disrespect being displayed,

Here’s how a national organization whose business is defending free speech of all kinds — the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression (FIRE) — explains why this kind of disruption was not OK.

Anti ICE protesters disrupted worship in a Minnesota church. Here's why their actions are not protected by the First Amendment.

I don’t think you need to be a clergy person, a clergy spouse, or a member of any kind of religious congregation to see the truth in this. Minding your manners is, in fact, generally a good idea.

Interrupting Even Just One Person Can Be Very Annoying, Too

And then there are the minor disruptions that occur in our everyday lives.

Maybe you’ve heard the Knock, Knock joke that goes like this:

Knock - Knock

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow MOOOO who?

That’s a perfect one to try on the four, five, or six year olds in your life, or maybe more likely they’ll try it on you. The wonderful author Jane Yolen developed a“Ready to Read” series based on this simple joke. You can look at all the titles at her publisher’s site: Interrupting Cow Collector's Set

But the fact is, in real life, when someone is gathering their thoughts and formulating what they want to express, having someone else butt in — even if that person has all good intentions — is usually not funny at all; in fact, it can be plenty irritating. And the disruption, no matter how brief, might even derail the speaker entirely.

I know about this, because I’m guilty of doing it.

Sometimes, in my eagerness to show that I’m really interested in what someone (OK, might be my husband) is saying and very glad to be on the receiving end of the tale, I’ll insert something like, “Oh was that the first time you’d met him?” or “Did you take such and such route to get there?” or “Wow, that must’ve been hard, hearing that.”

Essentially, I might think I’m adding something, even showing sympathy, but in fact I’m actually detracting from the conversation, because it wasn’t my turn to talk. Really good listening is active, not passive, and it takes our full focus.

I like to think that “ebullient” is a word that describes me, but I need to remind myself not to froth over at the wrong moments.

In a certain way, I (and plenty of other extroverts like me, no doubt) must be careful not to barge into someone else’s worship service; it’s theirs. Standing quietly in the back, or even coming in to sit down, would be fine. Then again, if there’s just one person trying to share something important, just with me, I want to be — reliably be — the kind of other person who can give full attentiveness, withholding any comments…..until, perhaps at a later time, but maybe not ever, they’re invited.

From your perspective, what kinds of disruptions or interruptions are more acceptable than others? How do we know the difference?